Business Communication Critique. A Letter to Mass Transit Railway Corporation Limited

Elaboration, 2013

16 Pages, Grade: 3.7


Part I: Group Project Planning

Option 3 Target Organisation: Mass Transit Railway Corporation Limited

Assignment objective(s)

To plan for a persuasion to Mass Transit Railway Corporation Limited (MTRC) so that trains from 9pm to 11pm would be more frequent and two more compartments would be added on the West Rail Line trains to solve its congestion problem.

To improve group members’ communication skills in areas such as producing persuasive messages and using English in business context.

Expected outcome(s)

A portfolio consisting of an elementary timeline for the project, a detailed planning for the message to be conveyed, and the message, presumably a letter, we intend to send to our target organization MTRC to achieve our above-stated objective.

A reply from the MTRC mentioning their discretion regarding our suggestions and hopefully the execution of the necessary actions we proposed.

Project Timeline

Abbildung in dieser Leseprobe nicht enthalten

Part II: Detailed Planning for the Persuasive Communication

Project background

Members of our group are all frequent MTR (Mass Transit Railway) users, and have experienced congested travelling experience quite commonly even in non-rush hours. Being aware of the above problem, our group investigated possible rooms for improvement that can benefit the users, and have come to a conclusion that we would make two persuasions:

Persuade MTRC to make trains more frequent during 9pm-11pm, and add two more compartments onto West Rail Line trains at any time.

We think the first persuasion should be made due to our observation during 9pm-11pm that some sections of the MTR system are so compacted with people that we think the necessity for more frequent service is great. For example, northbound West Rail trains after passing Mei Foo are so squeezed that passengers from Tsuen Wan West can hardly board a train to the northwest suburbs, after loading passengers from Tsuen Wan Line through Mei Foo station and passengers from Tung Chung Line through Nam Cheong station. Another example is Tsuen Wan Line trains. A passenger can hardly board the trains from Sham Shui Po, Cheung Sha Wan and Lai Chi Kok because much of the crowd from Hong Kong Island, Tsim Sha Tsui and Mong Kok has not yet disembark, and passengers from Kwun Tong line fill the spare spaces in Prince Edward. We believe that why this two hours experience uptown trains more passengers than any other timeslots save the rush hours is that citizens have ended their daily entertainment and together travels home. It would be a disaster if no measure is taken as population continuously increases.

Our second persuasion is based on our observation above that the West Rail Line trains are of the most crowded trains of the MTR system. Through further investigations and excursions to West Rail Line stations, we have found out that there are platform screen doors left unused that equals to the length of two compartments. This means West Rail Line is able to hold nine compartments. We have also noticed from Wikipedia that MTRC decided to add one more compartment only when it is to be merged with Ma On Shan Line; that is when the Kowloon section of the Shatin-Central Link come into service in around 2019. (The reason for adding only one compartment is that platforms of Ma On Shan Line stations only can hold eight compartments, but not nine.) This plan is so distant that it means passengers have to be pressed in compartments for six years more. It also has limitations as only one compartment is added for the reason that Ma On Shan Line platforms can only hold eight compartments. We would like to strive for two more compartments added until 2019.

Planning and Getting Ready for Communication

Step 1: Identify objective(s)

We are sending the messages for the sake of MTR users. We, frequent metro passengers, have experienced in annoying rides daily and deeply know the feelings of metro passengers. We take long time to wait for several sparse trains but still fail to board. We hope that by sending this message would push MTRC to conduct the alterations we tended and that MTRC would notice passengers really care about their journeys despite monopoly in the Hong Kong railway industry.

Step 2 (1): Identify the Audience

Anyone inside MTRC will be potential audience of our messages. By sending a letter, we know from the MTR website that our messages will be handled by the Transport Planning Department, so staff from there would probably be our primary audience. Other MTRC staff will be our hidden audience. Besides, because we will actually give a copy of the messages to Jane Wong, the lecturer responsible for the assignment these messages are for, she will be the secondary audience of this message.

We believe that the key persons of this message are members from the Board of Directors and Executive Directorate of MTRC, head of Transport Planning Department, and General Manager – Corporate Relations. The Board of Directors and Executive Directorate hold extensive power on corporate decisions, while head of Transport Planning Department have the authority to make alterations on these decisions upon execution for smooth applications. General Manager – Corporate Relations is also a key person as this position is vital in the reflection of customer opinions to the Board of Directors and Executive Directorate.

MTRC Board of Directors includes 13 members: Dr. Raymond Ch’ien Kuo-fung, Chow Chung-kong, Jay Herbert Walder, Vincent Cheng Hoi-chuen, Christine Fang Meng-sang, Edward Ho Sing-tin, Alasdair George Morrison, Ng Leung-sing, Abraham Shek Lai-him, T. Brian Stevenson, Joseph Lai Yee-tak (Commissioner for Transport), Eva Cheng (Secretary for Transport and Housing) and Professor Chan Ka-keung, Ceajer.

Executive Directorate of MTRC includes 10 members: Jay Herbert Walder, William Chan Fu-keung, Chew Tai Chong, Dr. Jacob Kam Chak-pui, Lincoln Leong Kwok-kuen, Leonard Bryan Turk, Gillian Elizabeth Meller, Thomas Ho Hang-kwong, David Tang Chi-fai and Jeny Yeung Mei-chun.

The head of Transport Planning Department is unknown.

The position General Manager – Corporate Relations is held by Miranda Leung Chan Che-ming. It is stated on the MTRC website that this position is responsible for “corporate communications, community and customer engagement, stakeholder management and political lobbying”.

Step 2 (2): Analyze the Audience’s Needs

Informational Needs

Upon hearing our persuasions, we are quite sure that our audience would focus on our reasons before deciding on the issue, so this would be a part that we will put emphasis on, and probably appear at the front part of the letter.

We should also provide accurate information as we are making a request, providing a clear picture of our idea to the audience is necessary before they can do anything. Hence, our persuasions should not only include general statements, but also contain explanations of how the idea would be like when in operation. To do this, we should adhere to the 5W1H – Who, What, When, Where, Why and How principle when elucidating. For example, when demanding MTRC to make trains more frequent, we may add information such as the timeslot (9pm-11pm), the affected lines (West Rail Line, East Rail Line, Tung Chung Line, Tsuen Wan Line, Kwun Tong Line, Island Line), the reasons (e.g. a passenger can hardly board the trains from Sham Shui Po, Cheung Sha Wan and Lai Chi Kok because much of the crowd from Hong Kong Island, Tsim Sha Tsui and Mong Kok has not yet disembark, and passengers from Kwun Tong line fill the spare spaces in Prince Edward), and the frequency (2-3 minutes). We would not include information concerning the internal operation of MTRC, for example, the way to deploy trains under this alteration, as we do not have enough exposure to associated information and we have to prevent producing inaccurate information in this circumstance.


Excerpt out of 16 pages


Business Communication Critique. A Letter to Mass Transit Railway Corporation Limited
The University of Hong Kong  (School of Professional and Continuing Education)
English for Business
Catalog Number
ISBN (eBook)
business, communication, critique, letter, mass, transit, railway, corporation, limited
Quote paper
Kwan Lung Chan (Author), 2013, Business Communication Critique. A Letter to Mass Transit Railway Corporation Limited, Munich, GRIN Verlag,


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