Anonymous - Go Ask Alice

AUTHOR ANONYMOUS - Go Ask ALICE

Go Ask Alice is based on the actual diary of a fifteen-year-old drug user.

It does not offer any solutions. It is a highly personal and specific chronicle. As such, it will provide insights into the increasingly complicated world in which we live.

Names, dates, places and certain events have been changed in accordance with the wishes of those concerned.

Persons:

Alice:

she is a typical teenager who loves parties, dates and cares about her looks. She gets decent grades at school and she hates when her parents start nagging. Sometimes she is annoyed by her brother and sister although she loves them. Alice falls in love with boys easily. She is not shy, she is open for everything and is curious about the the different kinds of drugs. She is turned on to acid, it makes her feel free. Her diary is her best friend, she writes in all her problems and experiances. She loves her family, especially Gramps and Gran. Alice always tries to get away from the drug scene, but it's impossible for her to fight the way back alone.

Chris:

She is a year older than Alice and she's a year ahead in school. Chris is a great girl. Alice relates better to her than she ever has with anyone in her life. She knows a little about drugs. Chris can't stand it around her house, and so she works. Her parents are about ready for a divorce, so she is ready to cut out. She is in love with Ted.

Tim:

He is the thirteen year old brother of Alice, and she can talk to him honestly about drugs. Tim has a clear, decent honorable outlook on life. He can pretty well bridge the gap with his parents. He is very tolerant about their position as parents and he tries to see things from their point of view.

Joel:

He is in love with Alice. Joel is eighteen years old and an accelerated student. He always goes to the library. His feelings and ideas are mature. He is also a very spiritual kind of person, not really religious, and he feels very deeply. Joel cares a lot of Alice and keeps writing her letters every day.

Mom and Dad:

Alice parents love her very much. First they don't know what's happening but they notice changes and try to help their daughter as far as they can. They think Alice might be associating with the wrong people, but they have no idea she's on drugs. They cannot help her.

Story:

Alice is fifteen, white, middle-class. She has got a lot of friends and she's good at school. She is in love with Roger, but he doesn't notice her the most time. Alice is discontented with her looks and starts to diet. She thinks that she will never live up to someone's expectations. Lately she looses interests in everything - school is boring and she doesn't even date or go to parties.

Her Dad is invited to become the Dean of Political Science at ____, so they have to move. Alice can't wait to live in another state, although she's going to miss the old house and her grandparents. Alice is worried about the new school, compared to her younger brother Tim and her little sister Alexandria who found new friends right away. At the beginning her new school is miserable , not one single person talks to her, no one does more than stare at her in a kind of curious way. Her Mom won't let her diet any more, she gaines almost fifteen pounds, her face is a mess and her hair are stringy and oily. She's getting fed up with this town and school in general and her family and herself in particular. Finally she gets to know Beth Baum, who is really awfully nice. She is Jewish and she nags about her annoying parents too. During the holidays Beth attends a summer camp for six weeks and Alice stays at her Gran's. One day she meets Jill Peters, who invites Alice to her party. That night she has the most incredible experience of her life. All the kids sprawle out on the floor on cushions, Jill brings out a tray of coke. They play the game ,,Button, Button, Who's got the Button?", where 10 out of the 14 bottles of coke have LSD in them. Alice begins to feel something strange inside herself, all she can do is laugh. She is dancing before the whole group, performing, showing off and enjoying every second of it.

Although she tries to convince herself that using LSD makes her a ,,dope addict", she has a date with Bill, a friend of Jill, who introduces her to Speed which he injects right into her arm. Alice wants to get away from Jill and Bill to stop taking drugs. She wants to go home, but Gramps has a little heart attack and she has to help Gran. Alice can't tell her parents why she wants to leave her Grans so she has to stay. Bill has six kids over to his house and Alice is going to trip on acid again. She always wants Roger to be the first and only boy in her life, and she feels strange when she sees him, after she has slept with Bill. First she is afraid of being pregnant but than her period starts.

Alice gets home again and tries to forget about everything. Beth comes back from camp too, but she`s hardly the same person , she met some Jewish jerks that she's going with. Alice feels lonely again but Roger keeps writing her letters.

One day Alice gets to know Chris who tries to get her a job in a shop where the newest clothes are sold. Chris has a boyfriend named Ted and Alice gets to know Richie who showes her how to smoke pot. Finally she is deeply in love with him. Chris and Alice start pushing at school, they supply it from Richie. The two girls have both pledged to each other that they are going to stay clean, and sneak off in the middle of the night by bus to San Francisco. Alice wants to leave her family mostly because she loves them and she doesn't want them ever to know what a weak and disreputable person she has been. They live in a dirty smelling little one room apartment and Alice finally finds a job in some crappy little lingerie store. Chris takes a job in the boutique from Sheila, who is a very attractive person and the owner of the shop. Alice gets more homesick every day, but she is afraid of telling Chris. She is sure that she will never ever under any circumstances use drugs again. She quiets her job and gets a new one at Mr. Mario Mellani who makes exquisite custom jewelry. Alice adores her job and Mellani is like a second family father for her. She gets to know his family and for the first time she feels happy in San Francisco. Sheila has parties nearly every night and Chris and Alice are always invited. They meet the most beautiful human beings, gorgeous men and breath-taking women. One night Sheila and her ,,current" boyfriend Rod introduce them to

heroin, they have a bad experience. Again they decide to leave this screwed up scene. The two girls find their new home in a tiny ground floor apartment close to Berkeley, where they work hard and make it looking great. Kids stop by to watch TV which they have in the show room or just to sit around and rap. Already soon the kids and their hang ups are beginning to bug them. Alice phones her parents and her family is happy to hear from her. Chris and Alice fly back home and the families were all there to meet them. It was the greatest homecoming anyone ever had. Alice enjoyes being at home again and celebrating Christmas. She wants the New Year to be completely different, filled with life and promise. School starts and everyone knows that Alice was a pusher, they often attack her. Lane is a drug addict and hunts her the worst way. Chris and Alice see each other often at school but not even one other child wants to have contact to Alice.

Finally it happens - Chris and Alice just sit down on the floor and smoke again, they feel incredibly good. In February Lane gets hit of pushing too much. Alice thinks she is six years old the way her parents are watching her. She can't stand it and so she leaves home again. She hitch-hikers to Denver where she shares a place with a couple of kids she met. Alice hasn't any clothes and she's getting damned dirty. She sleeps in a park and gets help of a Salvation Army. They give her a chance to take a shower and she gets clean clothes. She doesn't want to contact her parents, because they aren't about to let her use acid, but she's not about to give it up. One day Alice gets to know Doris who is 14 years old and has been taken drugs since she was 10 years old. Her current stepfather started having sex with her so she turned on drugs. Alice leaves in the street for some time and is stoned nearly every day. Then an old priest calles up her parents and they come and get her. She is happy to be at home again, everything turns better. Although she is scared that she could get a flashback. In school the kids start hassling her again. It's terrible for her not have a friend and being lonely. Gramps has a stroke, is in coma for three days and dies during the night. No one knew that death takes so much out of people. Alice becomes clean and she meets a boy named Joel Reems in the library. He is eighteen years old and a freshman. Her parents like him very much, because he is an accelerated student. Alice falls in love with Joel.

One month later Gran dies too. The only thing that helps Alice hold on is the knowing that Joel will be waiting.

Alice gets pushed again by all the kids, Joel really cares about her. Now that school is over Alice has the job to take care of Mr. and Mrs. Larsen's baby. But someone put acid on the chocolate covered peanuts, Alice starts to loose control. Mrs. Larsen neighbor hears her screaming, checks the baby and locks the girl in a small closet. Alice injures herself severaly and beats her head against the door until she has a brain concussion and a fractured skull. She wakes up in a hospital, thinking that worms and maggots are crawling on her body. The doctor sends her to the State Mental Hospital for two weeks. The hospital itself is unbearable, but the Youth Center isn't as bad, it seems almost like a small school. She is scared so badly that she has problems when she talks. She meets Tom and Babbie and talks about their problems. One day her parents come to fetch her. She is motivated to start a completely new life without any drugs. She goes to parties of her friends, meets new guys and enjoyes a pleasant life with her family. At her birthday she gets to see Joel again which makes her more than happy.

EPILOGUE

ALICE DIED THREE WEEKS AFTER HER DECISION NOT TO KEEP ANOTHER DIARY.

HER PARENTS CAME HOME FROM A MOVIE AND FOUND HER DEAD: THEY CALLED THE POLICE AND THE HOSPITAL BUT THERE WAS NOTHING ANYONE COULD DO.

WAS IT AN ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE? A PREMEDITATED OVERDOSE? NO ONE KNOWS, AND IN SOME WAYS THAT QUESTION ISN'T IMPORTANT. WHAT MUST BE OF CONCERN IS THAT SHE DIED, AND THAT SHE WAS ONLY ONE OF APPROXIMATELY 50,000 DRUG DEATHS IN THE UNITED STATES THAT YEAR.

My one opinion:

We are all living in a drug-consuming age and we are confronted with all kinds of drugs. Important for the teenagers is a good Relationship with their parents. The younger generation needs support and sympathy from the parents. Often parents are not ,,open" enough. And there have to be a good communications between child and parents. Teenagers who don't feel loved look for Satisfation in drugs.

Alice's diary can help us to see little more what children and adolescents need - encouragement and understanding.